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Thread: Come Quick! Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor

  1. #1
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    Come Quick! Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor

    http://www.nursinghumor.com/quick

    A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

    "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

    "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

    As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

    "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"

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  2. #2
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    Re: Come Quick! Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor

    Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I love it! :nurse-rofl:

  3. #3
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    Making rounds in the ICU, I prepared to check on my partner's patient. The nurse whispered a warning. "He's the guy who owns the big Lexus dealership. And the lady in there isn't his daughter, it's his wife."

    The patient seemed a bit confused. His color wasn't very good. The lungs were starting to fill up, and his blood pressure had been drifting downward. I asked his wife to step outside the room.

    I decided to get right to the point. "I have to tell you, I don't like how your husband looks," I said.

    "Well, neither did I. But he's rich, and he's really good with the children."

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    What’s the difference between a psych nurse and the patient? The nurse has the key!
    —Contributed by Kathryn Wickham

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    On a busy med-surg floor, the doctor stopped to brief me on a patient’s condition: “This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly.”

    The doctor then began listing orders: “You must give an injection in a different location every 20 minutes, followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour, followed by one pill every 15 minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than 10 ounces of water every 25 minutes and must void between. Soak his arm in warm water for 15 minutes, then place ice for 10 minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every 30 minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times. Chart his condition and vital signs every 20 minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well.”

    The doctor left and I entered the patient’s room. I was greeted by anxious family members and an equally anxious patient. All quickly asked what the doctor had said about the patient. I stated, “The doctor said that you will live.” Then quickly reviewing the orders, I added, “But you will have to learn a new sport.”

    —Contributed by Jeffrey Bodurka

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