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Thread: funny email I got the other day....

  1. #11
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    A hospital posted a notice in the nurses’ lounge that said: “Remember, the first five minutes of a human being’s life are the most dangerous.” Underneath, a nurse had written: “The last five are pretty risky, too.”
    —nursinghumor.com

  2. #12
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    A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does.
    An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up

  3. #13
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    Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
    Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
    Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
    Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
    Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

  4. #14
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    Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
    —Margaret Morgan Tucker

  5. #15
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    doctor, I think I’m a moth.’ ‘Get out of the way, you’re in my light!’

  6. #16
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    Why did the nurse keep her stethoscope in the refrigerator? Because when she put it in the freezer, it took too much skin off.
    —Contributed by Mary Kronenberger Thatcher

  7. #17
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    What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? " Some asshole has my pen!"

  8. #18
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    A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital.
    " How are you grandpa? he asks.
    "Feeling fine," says the old man.

    "What's the food like?"

    "Terrific, wonderful menus."

    "And the nursing?"

    "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

    "What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

    "No problem, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

    The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says,
    " I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

    "Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works
    wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed

  9. #19
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    I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...#ixzz2h51GufXt
    Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

  10. #20
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    Three nurses went to heaven, and were waiting turn to plead their case to St. Peter to enter the pearly gates.

    The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, but occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven."

    St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

    The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard."

    St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

    The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."

    St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"

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