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Thread: funny email I got the other day....

  1. #1

    funny email I got the other day....

    Being a guy from Oklahoma, I found this kind of funny.

    Because of the misunderstandings that frequently occur when Easterners
    and Californians cross-states such as Kansas, Texas and Oklahoma, those
    states Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help

    outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list
    will be handed to each person as they enter the state:

    1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
    you do all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a 'gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
    going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because
    I need it. Speed up or get it out of the way.

    3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
    Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

    4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
    you our women.

    5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
    flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
    13-inch trout you fish for.bait.

    6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
    final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up
    to your ear at the time.

    8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
    what you paid in the airport for one drink.

    9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order

    it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds

    of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
    two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

    10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
    over ice.

    11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
    have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

    12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
    when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

    13. Our women hunt, fish and drive trucks because they want to. So,
    you're a feminist. Isn't that special.

    14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi
    and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

    15. They are pigs/cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
    Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways; Interstate 35 goes the
    other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

    16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's like a
    religious holiday.

    17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
    A new concept, I realize.

    18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the balls into the water
    hazards. It spooks the fish.

    19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled over for driving like
    an idiot.his/her name is "Sir/Maam" matter how old he/she is.

    Now, enjoy your visit to Texas, Kansas, or Oklahoma and then go home.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator cougarnurse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Parked in front of the computer when I am not working
    Amen to this post!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    nice one! that was entertaining.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    What’s the difference between Mother Teresa and a nurse? Mother Teresa only has to serve one God.
    —Cami Arnold Miller

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    It’s hard to live with a nurse because…

    When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
    Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because he doesn’t want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday he’s had off in years.
    You’ve been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
    The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"
    The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    On a busy med-surg floor, the doctor stopped to brief me on a patient’s condition: “This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly.”

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    The doctor then began listing orders: “You must give an injection in a different location every 20 minutes, followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour, followed by one pill every 15 minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than 10 ounces of water every 25 minutes and must void between. Soak his arm in warm water for 15 minutes, then place ice for 10 minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every 30 minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times. Chart his condition and vital signs every 20 minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well.”

  10. #10
    Member Extraordinaire hppygr8ful's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    It wasn't that funny the first time but to make us suffer through three more retellings is torture - Is this really what Ultimate Nurse is about these days. This used to be a page for nurses who took the profession seriously

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