need a prayer

[robin4465]

Hi, My name is Robin, and I am currently in the NCBON Alternative Program due to the fact that I diverted and intentionally OD'd with mso4, valium, and phenergan in the parking lot at work. My DOC was percocet for about 2-3 months after removing a lump the size of a grapefruit from my breast. I just couldn't get off the percs. I was taking up to 25-30 a day towards the end. I "didn't have a problem" though....ever muttered those words? I have been clean and happy for the first time in my life for 3 years after treatment, both for the drugs and the major depression, I just thought was a good case of the blues. My license was suspended for 4 months, and then I had to re- apply to have them re-instated. I have to call a 1-800 number mon-fri and have drug screen randomly...randomly my butt...at $50 a pop. We have to attend 3 AA/NA meetings a week for the first year, 2 the next 2. We are on restrictions for giving narcs for the first year, working in specilty areas..which I had worked CCU/NICU for 11 years at that time, and no night shifts. Was anybody else's program like this? One unexplained positive and you are out the door with no license, which I can understand.
My current job, has been for the past 3 years on a telemetry unit, and I got it by luck. I sent out 37 resumes, and this was the only place that would talk to me. My sister worked here, and one of the nurses in the program who was on good standings worked there, plus that floor was desperate for nurses, and i was desperate for a job. So, they took a chance on me. Come to find out later, they hired me at a 3 year grad salary. The girl that worked there in the program apparently worked in the ER and diverted and didn't get fired, so nobody trusted her, so nobody was going to trust me either. We both got blamed for any narcs that went missing, even if I wasn't there, but she was. She was always there, but I didn't think a thing of it. But I got treated like crap the whole time.Later on, we found out that she was almost through with her program, and came up postive for "cold medicine with vicodin: and somehow they let that slide. But then she got caught diverting 23 vials of dilaudid in one shift and looking back she had done it the whole time. I have no idea how she had clean urines, nor do I care. I just hate to see somebody throw it all away. I hurt my shoulder at work and ended up having to have surgery, then 2 weeks back at work, I had to have emergency hystectomy. I took MINIMAL pain meds, and did great with them. 9 months later, they know with my shoulder, I can't lift more than 25 lbs, so they are short staffed, and we go in to pull up a 450 lb woman-2 of us now, and we are waiting on the "rest of the staff" that were apparently taking their 3rd break of the morning, and the lady decides to drop her sats, become combative, so I am not going to wait until these lazy as hell nurse get in here, I am naturally going to pull up my patient, who like a big weeble has fell plum to the bottom of the bed. So me and the other girl grabbed and pulled, and my shoulder goes "pop" and "rip". SO I had surgery again, and I am permanently disabled to a certain degree, and my place of work has given me 30 days to find another job in the hospital or they are going to fire me. Yes they can do this, even if you are on workman's comp they can. Oh, I am sorry, they have offered me several jobs...telephone operator $7/hr, refund clerk $8/hr, EVS salary $6.50/hr, and all the nursing positions like supervisor for which I am qualified for, have all of the sudden the day I look at them, been filled. Now, they are being UGLY. So I have prayed and prayed and turned it over to God, which I am not gonna lie guys, even in my program, sometimes, i have a hard time doing, it takes me few days to release it, but then i finally do.
So then, a door opens to me. A cardiologist that I work with in the hospital is hiring several RN's in his office. I sent in my resume. One of the docs got it, personally took it to the RN supervisor, and said "hire this girl". The office manager is my neighbor, so she put in a good word for me. 3 of the docs put in a good word for me. Then I went and interviewed. I told the supervisor all about the Alterative Program, and you know, ahe said,"honey, everybody makes mistakes. You don't have to spend the rest of your life paying for them." I about fell over. Then I interviewed iwth the big dog over the office and he discussed pay, and it was what i was making at the hospital!! The hours aren't great, but hey, I don't give a red rat's fanny.He asked when I could start. And then I remembered the NCBON has to do a phone interview to approve your work site and all that stuff, But I told him probably within the next 2 weeks. Brook, the super, explained to him more about the Alernative program because apparently i was so excited i didn't do a verygood job. He told the head MD, and they were very concerned about how I got my percocet, you know if I wrote my own scripts and stuff. I told them they were all valid RX's, I just misued the heck out of them, and had a very stupid family doctor that didn't keep up with how many refills he gave me. so any ways. Main MD, is cocerned with the diversion and wants to know more about that, and I thought I made that clear, even preffered to talk to him, but he is a man of few, and i mean FEW words. My interview with him consisted of "hey Robin what are you doing here...ahh, coning to work here I see? well!" So Brook says, why don't you see if your supervisor will write you a letter stating that she has had not problems with you in the program, etc. So I did, and she wrote me a fantastic letter, and so did 2 unit charge nurses which the MD knows. All and all he's a little skiddish about hiring an addict, I guess most people are, or are they? I find out Monday, I need a prayer. I've been praying all weekend, let God's will be done...can I help that i hope a little of that be mine too??lol!!!
I'd like to hear about you guys job experiences after you went back to work after re-instating your licenses or changing jobs, or how you've changed your lives since becoming clean!! sorry to ramble....it's 5am, nody else in the house awake to talk to!!
robin

[Aaron C.]

Sending a prayer your way!

Sounds like you have done everything you needed to do.

Hopefully you will get great news today. If you don't, then it wasn't meant to be...

Good luck and keep us informed!

--Aaron