New To Recovery, Morphine Addict

[tracy,ccrn]

Hey Everyone, I Am New To This. I Am A Recovering Morphine Addict From Connecticut. I Quit My Nursing Job A Month Ago Because They Were Going To Fire Me And They Offered Me No Help. I Checked Myself Into Rehab The Next Day And It Was The Best Thing I Ever Did. I Wish I Never Started Using. Now I Am Trying To Find A Job And When You Are An Icu Nurse, It Is Difficult Because Everyone Requires That You Give Narcs And I Have Been Honest Telling Everyone That I Cannot Give Narcs. I Am Waiting For My State Hearing Which May Not Be For Six Months From Now. I Have 2 Nurse Friends Who Have Been Through This And Still Have Jobs Because Their Jobs Offered Them Help. I Feel Like I Am Being Discriminated Against Which Is Sad Because There Are Thousands Of Us Out There. I Think There Should Be More Education Available To People About This Problem. I Regret What I Did And Just Want Another Chance To Do What I Love, Taking Care Of Critically Ill Patients. I Could Care Less About Giving Narcs And I Am Never Going To Do What I Did Again But I Understand Recovery Is A Long Road. I Am Attending Na Meetings Which Help And My Family Is So Supportive. I Am Continuing To Push On Finding A Job. Any Suggestions? Feel Free To Email Me. Thanks, Tracy

[explorer]

The position that you are in is a very easy one to get in and a hard
one to get out off. With you being an ICU nurse you are probably
used to working under a lot of pressure. Right now you are under
a lot of pressure. Do you have a lawyer? You might consider not
working in ICU for a while so that you can be out from under the
pressure that caused you to yield to morphine. You sound like
you genuinely care about your patients. I think that you can do
more for the patients that you have with less pressure on you.
You might consider long term care for a period of time until
you get this behind you. In long term care they sometimes
have LPN's/LVN's or med techs that can pass the narc's. I hope
that I have been of some help to you. If I can be of anymore
help to you let me know.

[Neo]

http://www.voy.com/140037/
or
http://www.voy.com/24203/

[Jadranko]

Hey Everyone, I Am New To This. I Am A Recovering Morphine Addict From Connecticut. I Quit My Nursing Job A Month Ago Because They Were Going To Fire Me And They Offered Me No Help. I Checked Myself Into Rehab The Next Day And It Was The Best Thing I Ever Did. I Wish I Never Started Using. Now I Am Trying To Find A Job And When You Are An Icu Nurse, It Is Difficult Because Everyone Requires That You Give Narcs And I Have Been Honest Telling Everyone That I Cannot Give Narcs. I Am Waiting For My State Hearing Which May Not Be For Six Months From Now. I Have 2 Nurse Friends Who Have Been Through This And Still Have Jobs Because Their Jobs Offered Them Help. I Feel Like I Am Being Discriminated Against Which Is Sad Because There Are Thousands Of Us Out There. I Think There Should Be More Education Available To People About This Problem. I Regret What I Did And Just Want Another Chance To Do What I Love, Taking Care Of Critically Ill Patients. I Could Care Less About Giving Narcs And I Am Never Going To Do What I Did Again But I Understand Recovery Is A Long Road. I Am Attending Na Meetings Which Help And My Family Is So Supportive. I Am Continuing To Push On Finding A Job. Any Suggestions? Feel Free To Email Me. Thanks, Tracy

Hi Tracy I got probation for checking out zofran,calcium,magnesium, and never gave them, even credited them back at end of shift. Just checking them out is a violation of practice. I have been lookin for work since June, with 11 plus years ICU/CVICU I cant get an interview and the new grads and RN's with 1yr exper. are gettin the jobs. Think we need to look in another field.

[baymom]

Hi Tracy,
I am also an ICU CCRN with an addiction to Vicodin and alcohol. I found myself diverting and was pushed to report myself to the CA Board. If you have a Diversion program in your state it is worth checking out. I am completing the Diversion program in April of this year and had I not done it I'm sure I would be dead. It's not easy, but recovery is not always easy. Re-entering the workplace was difficult, not because of the access to meds but because of the tremendous guilt and shame that I had. For me, the re-entry to work was in stages. I didn't always like the restrictions and requirements but I could not have "stopped on my own." I failed at that many times. Finding a job while going through early stages of Diversion may prove challenging. Like you, ICU is my passion and I was mortified at trying something different. I re-entered the hospital setting as a Nurse Educator - no patient contact - no meds. 6 months later I re-entered ICU but could not give Narcotics. The Charge Nurse gave the narcotics when needed. After 8 weeks I petitioned the board to give narcotics because of the STAT nature of the unit, it was difficult to find others to give my meds without jeopardizing my anonymity. Thankfully, the petition was approved. Although the Educator position was not one that I had given a second thought about, I learned a lot and was able to help new Nurses. It was also a good way to re-enter the Hospital. I have met many nurses (with a lot of clean and sober time) at my AA meetings. They have been a great resource for job availability and references.
Some of the nurses in Diversion choose case management positions, not in a hospital setting and have truly liked the change.
I have 3 yrs clean and sober...It does get better...it really does.

[nuttynursebarnes]

Hi Tracy! Welcome to Recovery I understand your frustration, however, I also know that you are new to recovery. It has only been a short while that you have been clean, and my concern for you is that you are focusing on too much to maintain sobriety. I was clean for five years before i relapsed, and now have been clean for nine months this time. I am in NC, and as you know, the board here is one of the most strict and punative of all states. I had my hearing, retained a lawyer(what a joke he was!) and had my liscense suspended in April because i would not state that i had done some of the things my co-workers had accused me of...I did relapse on prescription narcotics for a foot injury, but i DID NOT divert at work. Because of my past substance abuse history, the board decided i could not work for one year, and i can not petition for my liscense until June of this year. I have had to resort to food stamps and welfare because i can not find work anywhere. Employers do not understand why you are applying for a job making 9$ and hour when you have been making 25+ $ an hour. When you are honest and tell them your situation, they do not want any part of a substance abuser as an employee. Soooo, as tough as it may be for you, I suggest you not focus on getting a job right now until you have your hearing. Your board is going to look for what you are doing right now to build your best recovery. They will look kindly on 90 in 90-yes, that is a meeting every day(i hated it, but is was the best thing for me), and they want to know you are 100% focused on recovery, not work. A friend of mine told me something i thought was very profound and very true for me, i will leave you with this thought....What you put before your recovery, you WILL lose! I wish you the best of luck during this difficult time, but you will walk through it, and be great! I pray things will be easier for you than it has for me, but recovery this time has been sweet, and i am so glad i have had this time to get and remain focused on my recovery, even if i am broke, humiliated that i can not pay my bills and rely on welfare, and lonely(i lost my marriage of 22 years). There is truely a silver lining to my clouds....and it is called RECOVERY.

[lisarn19]

Hi,
I am new to this board and am withdrawling from percocet here at home and having a H@*l of a time. I posted earlier and I was wondering how you were able to check yourself into a rehab the next day? I really need help!!! And so far I have not been able to find anyhing other than outpatient services in my small town. I am now on state medicaid (Arizona), and the closest in-patient facility is in LV, Nevada. If anyone can help please do. I am at the end of my rope, I don't think I can go on like this much longer. I am married and have 4 children. I have to get sober!

[hppygr8ful]

Look in your phone book under mental Health Facilities - Medicaid should pay for medidically supervised detox if you have a duel diagnosis like Major depression to go with your addiction. If that doesn't work go see a DR. about suboxone therapy that can help ease you off. Most medicaid won't pay for in-patient treatment programs. But once you get detoxed you can start with NA/AA. If you are not in a program mandated by the Board of nursing you might start there. Otherwise check out the facilities that offer mental health treatment and they should be able to steer you in the right direction.

hppygr8ful