Hprp Trouble: Advice Anyone?

[victorianiki]

Hello everyone I'm Niki and I'm new here. I am an LPN and I am in school for my RN. I have been addicted to prescription pain pills for 4 years now. Back in December I got caught calling in my own RXs for Vicodin. I was charged with obtaining fradulent RXs but convicted of possession of analouges, which is a 2 year felony and landed me in jail for my 1st time for 24 days. However, my conviction was deferred because I am a first time offender. If I complete my 3 yrs of probation it will be dropped. Anyhow, I have to do HPRP now on top of my probation. It seems like my caseworker hates me. I got a job where there was no narcs; in a doctor office. She called them and told them I was using because I am taking suboxone and theres no indication for someone to take suboxone unless they are using. I have been clean since 3-23-07. i am drug testing 3x's a week and PBTing # times as well. Its costing me so much. On top of that I have to do 9 hours of IOP a week and 3 nights of NA or AA. Plus individual counseling and community service. Anyhow the doctors office ended up taking me off work until a psychiatrist said I was ready to go back to work which took her 5 weeks to do. When they said I could go back, of course, the office said they filled the position. Now I am jobless, desperate, alone, broke, and pretty much hopeless. I hate not being able to practice what I love. I know I did this to myself. Any advice out there? Will it ever end? Sorry to ramble on but I have no one to talk to....

[hppygr8ful]

Welcome to the club of those who suffer from addiction. I do have one piece of advice for you. We all went through some of what you are going through. Remember that the courts are about punishment and Nurse diversion is about public safety - neither is really invested in your recovery so don't get confused about what's important here. The most important thing right now is building a strong foundation for your recovery. I totally understand the need to work but many of us were not allowed to work for close to a year. In some states you can collect disability under a dx of depression. If not you can get work in any field outside of nursing so you can make ends meet while you get that strong foundation I mentioned earlier.

You nursing career is not over just on hold for a bit. Anything you put before your sobriety is exactly what you will lose if you lose your sobriety. Who put you on suboxone? If you have been sober for a while you should consider weaning off it. It's really bad for your liver anyway. However I know many boards require it to help in deterring future use. You might have who ever prescribed it talk to your Case worker and explain the purpose and uses of this drug.

The thing to remember with the boards is what they really want to see is that when they yank the leash how fast you come to heel. As you build your recovery program this pill gets easier to swallow.

Also be careful what you eat and drink - become a conscientious label reader and avoid anything with any amount of alcohol in it. Check out the list posted at the etg website or at MEDfriends-in-recovery. Remember too that you are not alone. Get a sponsor and start working those steps. Great things will come to pass for you and countless others. I will keep you in my daily meditations.

Peace and Namaste

Suzanne

[victorianiki]

Thank you for your kind words...anything helps. I understand this is going to be a long and hard road but I just feel so alone right now. I wish someone would just just give me a chance to show them what a good nurse I was ansd still am. I cant get my narcotic privledges back until I work for at least 6 months as a nurse. And as an LPN there arent too many jobs outside of the nursing home for us and LPNs pass most all of the meds. Its to hard to ask someone else to give our patient a narcotic everytime they need it. Plus with the record I now have, who wants me caring for their family member? I'm trying not to be down on myself but this is the reality.

[Pieface]

If you really wanna work as a nurse you will do what it takes. Unfortunately most of us addicts want it when we want it and that means RIGHT NOW!
So I suggest you slow down a little, keep looking for a job, be patient most importantly remember your recovery is for you and if you really wanna remain clean/sober take it one day at a time and one problem at a time.

I'm new to recovery myself. I was caught using at work. I thank God I was because I was headed towards suicide I was im misery. Today I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. My life is whats important to me. My family second and my livelihood(Nursing) 3rd. I've been clean since March 2007. I have just recently went back to work and I know its gonna be tough but IF I take things one step/one problem one day at a time I can get thru anything.

I didn't lose my job but all the nurses in my IOP program did but each has found another job with patience and lots of hard work/effort. Be patient and keep focused on yourself and your recovery!

My prayers are with you

[victorianiki]

Just an update! I finally got a job!! Hurray! Its at an ECF as a wound care nurse-no handling of meds. Thats good. I feel Im working a good program but I don't need the temptation right now....or maybe ever. I will finally be able to afford the addictionologist, therapy, group meetings, ect. that are all so far from my house. Im excited to be able to provide for my family again instead of my SO doing it all. Yay, yay, yay. Thanks for everyone who kept me in their prayers. I also need some advice on selecting a sponsor....