I diverted from work. Instead of quitting...So,I called to get involved with PAP as I was told I could take my pain medication. The substance abuse counselor and NP both said "no" to my pain medication. So, I tried for a few weeks. I had a horrible painful time due to waking and being unable to sleep due to pain....and I take low dose stuff when I do. The PAP is a 3 yr program and I am in pain now. I know that I can not work with the public in the same capacity as before and do not want to while I need this medication. I disagree with the counselor (I would not let her talk to my patients like she talked to me). They said I can not get counseling without the urine screen and I think the urine screen is a waste of my $$$ . I realize that I will need random urines before my possible re-instatement if I ever want to get my license back. So, why waste my money now. Teach me how to properly take care of my medication control, not take it away!!! A substance use counselor. I just am all confused about this. Maybe I need a lawyer. I do not want to work as a nurse now. Does anyone have suggestions on what they may want me to do or the punishment I will get if I don't go to a Substance Abuse Counselor. I know I will be fined most likely. But, I want to get the counseling for control of my meds.

I am not afraid of dying.... only living forever in pain.