Hope???

[but for the grace of God]

WOW, what a relief to find this sight, I wish I would have found it sooner!! I truly believed their could not be anyone out their like me, a nurse and an addict. My story is so very similar to many, my fight is just began. I have complaints against me in MO for diversion, just saying that makes me nauseated. I dont want to get into to much detail, yet until I get some guidance on where to go to save my life and liscense. I am taking baby steps. I detoxed myself, and have not used in 1 month, I was blessed with an amazing family support system. They dont understand that addiction is a disease, but they dont care and me neither really, I dont need them to understand as long as they are their for me. To keep my nursing license what can I do now?? I began Celebrate Recovery last night and plan on attending NA meetings. Anyone with any experience with MOBON??? Thanks to each and everyone who have posted their stories, I might not be here if I had not found this sight, with stories of such dispair that has turned into hope. I cant see that far ahead right now, I can only do the next right thing in the next 1 min. only but for the grace of God. Thanks for reading and thanks for any help. Its amazing I was relieved when I got caught, Im not mad or upset, it saved my life. I am embarrassed, ashamed, and disgusted with my actions, which I should be!!! God bless you all, please help me with my road to recovery.

[sassysissy]

you shouldn't loose your license, it does not work like that. you will be placed on a drug probation license ask to random test and jump through other hoops. the best advice i can give you is to study the boards website and the actions they have taken agains other addicts/alcoholics. The next best advice I can give you is to find a job and quickly. Find one before the board rules, finding a job afterwards is going to be nearly impossible. And congrats on your sobriety. It is going to be a hard row to tow but it will be well worth it. I have been sober for only one week and already I can see a drastic change in my behavior and insight. I found a job in corrections, that may be a place for you to start if you haven't already found a job. Good Luck

[but for the grace of God]

Thank you so much for responding back, I feel as if this website may be a lifeline for me. Congratulations on 1 week, that is awesome. One step at a time, we cant change the past only focus on the future. Do you mind telling me your story? I completely understand if not, Im just trying to figure out what caused me to to do the things I did. Out of my fog, and can hardly stand myself!!!

[sassysissy]

ETOH abuse. I grew up with alcoholics all around me. I only knew it was a disease when I entered nursing shool. I began drinking early in life maybe by the age of 7yrs. Then, I began to play with some drugs but drugs were illeagal so I stuck to beer, wine and liquor. I stopped drinking often and for years at a time prompted by child birth and breast feeding. I started back drinking after learning my husband was having an afair. It escalated from fruity drinks to straight up liquor, going to work drunk if it was evening or just a sip or two if is was a day shift.
No one ever said to me they smelled alcohol on me so I thought I was hideing my addiction. Well, the employment wright ups kept comming and later I was charged with diversion. I was so out of it I could not document correctly. I did not care. I thought I had a good fight, I was not diverting, I was not tested, I never stole from the facility. Well the board of nursing is savvy as hell.:nurse-stupid: The first question they asked me was, do you have a problem with drugs, well of course not, the second was do you have a problem with drinking? I admited to drinking but later recanted. I was placed on probation a year later, with random drug and ETOH testing. I have yet to have a test. But I am sure it is coming, I lost a $100,000 a year job, and I graduated two weeks later with a masters degree that I can not use. The board of nursing will not grant me an approval to practice with an incumbered nursing license. That is most of my story.

[Berrypatch]

Wow, hello to both of you! "But for the Grace" I was sober for 12 1/2 years following my 2nd DUI . Went to RN School and changed careers. Stopped working a good program, going to meetings etc. Next thing you know I was taking the morphine waste. Have relapsed awhole buch in the last 10 years. I too have not worked through all the shame and disgust with myself. On the right road now with 7 months of HONEST Clean and Sober time. May be too little to late though as the CA BRN has given 2 choices....surrender my license or go to hearing. I keep turning it over to God but don't feel I'm getting a clear answer. I'm hoping to hear from someone who has gone thru the hearing process. Good Luck and God Bless