[alyash]

I posted this is the student forum, but since I am neither a student or a nurse, I'll post in here also. Sorry if this is the wrong place!



Hello, My name is Kristi. This is my first post. I'll give you an EXTREMELY brief history..

I am 26 (next month), and married with two beautiful daughters, ages 10 and 6. I had a stroke in my medulla at age 22. The main symptoms were ataxia and vertigo, for which I was prescribed Valium. I was never told that my body would become dependent on it. I received SSD after a long battle, so that's how I manage to pay the bills.
I decided...None of the doctors that I am seeing are helping me, so it's time to help myself. It's possible that my brain is healed, and that the benzos are masking the "wellness" that I should be experiencing. So I decided to taper my Valium really slow. I was on 20-25mg a day, now I am on 8.5mg a day. Still a really long way to go but I am over half way there! Slow and steady wins the race!

I have wanted to be in the medical field since my first Fisher Price medical kit. I had a lot of obstacles in my life..being a Mom at 15 and being forced to drop out of high school as a freshman, and being kicked out of my house was a big blow to my dreams. I had to work full time + a lot of overtime to provide for my family. I had received my GED when I was 16, but there was nothing that I could do with it at the time. I think having a stroke at a young age was a wake up call for me. I have a whole new perspective on life. I look at is as a gift. Once I am off the Valium I plan to go to college to get a nursing degree. It has always been my passion. I just pray to God that the benzos haven't done permanent damage to my brain. Have any of you heard of this?

I spoke with the Social Security Administration, and they said that I could continue my education while receiving benefits. I am really lucky!

Now, here is my biggest fear.....since I was forced to drop out of High School as a freshman, I obviously have to advanced math or science classes behind me. I am terrified that I won't even pass the pre reqs! I have drive and passion, but will that be enough?

I bought a few books from "The Idiot's Guide To" series. Algebra, Chemistry, Biology, and A&P. The thing is, right now my benzo brain can't comprehend a paragraph, let alone learn from it! I hope that this will go away and I will be the "sponge brain" that I was once before.

I have browsed this forum, and I understand that a lot of people here don't like their job and are really stressed. I am prepared for the job. TOTALLY. What I am not prepared for is college.

That's my story. Sorry if I bored anyone to sleep. If you made it this far, is there any advice that anyone could offer me? Thank you SOOOOOO much!

Kristi- Hopefully a future nurse!

[BADRN1992]

Hi Kristi: Well, you sure have had a time of it, haven't you? Is is possible that once your off the benzo's that you may be able to think and absorb information better. Yes. Many medications can interfere with a persons ability to "think straight". I wouldn't be messing with medications, however, without consulting my physician! Bad idea. If you do not like your physician, find another, specifically a neurologist - he/she would be best able to assess any remaining damage to your brain. You are a consumer, shop around until you find someone you can trust. Many people, after a stroke, can develop seizures - valium (among many other medications), can inhibit or control seizure activity, that is another reason NOT to mess with your medications without physician approval. Valium would not be my first choice for seizure control, but that is one of its uses. I'm NOT saying you have or will have a seizure disorder, I'm just saying that you REALLY have a significant history and NEED to find an physician who will work with you. I wish you the best of luck. Drive alone will not get you through a Nursing degree - but it certainly will help!! Nursing is a stressful and demanding profession. Hard work, often without benefit of proper breaks or even adequate salaries. The majority of nurses work in hospitals, they are good place to get started for a well rounded nursing experience. That almost always means AT LEAST every other weekend and alternating holidays. With that said, a nurse is virtually guaranteed a job no matter what the economy!! Keep us posted as to your progress. Find a new physician!! Good Luck!!

[alyash]

Thanks for responding!

What I meant by the doctors not helping me, is not warning me about the dependency that benzos will cause. I see my neurologist every 6 months, he has a very busy practice. He is awesome, and is proud of me for recognizing that Valium is now to the point where it is hurting more than it's helping. Every 6 months isn't enough to monitor me though. My family doc told me to go on Ativan, that's what they use for alcoholics during WD, and It wasn't addictive. I know better than that! A benzo is a benzo is a benzo...........

I found a wonderful psychiatrist and I see him once a month. He is monitoring my taper. He put me on Tegretol to help a little with WD, mainly the tremors and jerky movements, also to prevent seizures. Thanks for your concern in that area.

I know nursing is stressful! I was a workaholic before my stroke, and it really bothers me that I can't work right now! I was used to working 60 hours a week, including weekends and holidays, with NO breaks! I can handle that. I think even more so that I will be doing something that I have always wanted to do!