[Scrub Nurse]

Hey guys. I'm in a pretty crappy situation at the moment at my work. I'm still quite junior and this involves another senior nurse. I'll try not to ramble on too much...

Lately i've been physically tired a lot and feeling stress more than i used to. It hI had a bad run in with a nurse the other day. This wasn't a problem when i started working in theatres a year ago but too many days of working under stress while trying to learn theatre and being abused by surgeons and *****y theatre nurses has taken it's toll.

To cut a long story short. I didn't handle the stressful day too well, i tend to become not aggressive or hostile but openly frustrated. had to work with a surgeon who wasn't abusive to nurses but to the poor student assisting him. This made me upset as well as the anaesthetist and the anaesthetic nurse.The senior nurse said nothing and i was told off for asking him to place a used suture in a container instead of throwing it on the drapes with the tip uncovered. No support was given to me at all .

I was reprimanded by the senior RN for letting to surgeon know i finished at four when they were discussing whether they had time to complete the lest. The senior nurse interjected at this point and i was spoken to very condescendingly in front of the entire team. I was told i was honour bound to stay because we finished early the previous day. Which is not really true according to the awards we work under. And i never said i wouldn't work overtime either i just wanted an idea of when they would be finishing.

I will say that i worked extremely hard all day but as we were understaffed and have been for a while i may not have performed as well as i would on another day. Little things that i didn't consider important such as making sure there was an extra 20cc syringe in the setup were a huge deal. I felt i was criticized all day and there was no positive feedback at all when i know that i did the best that i could.

At the end of the day it was about five minutes to the end of the shift and i wanted to leave. The senior still had about thirty five minutes left and all that was left was cleaning the theatre. I was told in a very intimidating way that i was going to stay for five minutes. Okay fine. I'll stay then. Then i was told that my 'lack of help' was going to be reported. what do you mean? i asked. Well i'll write it down on paper and we can go through it together was her response. Well that does it i left before i told her what she could do with her paper. And at this stage i was quite emotionally distressed and ready to scream at her. The words lack of help imply i stood there all day with my arms crossed and did nothing which was not the case.

The senior nurse got to the CNC first. I had the strong impression i was already judged before spoken to. I was reprimanded for wanting to leave five minutes early and was told i worked badly in a team. I tried to tell the CNC that it was due to the events of the day but this was dismissed. I was also told that as a junior nurse i shouldn't concern myself with meal breaks and shouldn't question the senior nurses judgement. I was also told that she complained of me having lunch first to the CNC but not to me. We were relieved for lunch by another nurse. I was scrubbed but we were finishing up and this only took 5-10 minutes. If she went i'd have to scrub for the next case and this would have been unfair IMO because i was not physically up to it. I was also told others had complained of my lack of teamwork and me having first lunch, yet nothing has been said to me or put down in writing. The only thing the CNC has said to me before is that others think that i'm unhappy, nothing about attitude, teamwork or first lunches. She didn't seem to care about the senior nurses poor behavior, just mine. She said that the senior nurse would have felt challenged by my forthright behavior.

I now have to mediate with the senior nurse and the NM. I'm concerned that as with the CNC i'm going to be pre-judged before it even starts. I know i have a lot to improve upon but i really do think that theres this ridiculous attitude regarding the superiority of senior nurse.This nurse may have more years of experience but clearly she could not support a junior in distress. And she and myself are both level 1 RN's and she doesn't really have the right to dress me down in front of everyone either. It is a form of horizontal violence and bullying. I don't want to be a troublemaker but i can't really let this go. I need to make it clear that i'm not going to be walked all over because i am junior and that if there is a problem with my behavior then there is a more appropriate way to approach me rather than simply do as i say because i'm senior.

Any advice on how to handle the mediation?