[kuland]

Hello there everyone. I am a new member and I just posted and introduced myself in the "newbie" forum. At the end of this month, I will be turning in my application for the College of Nursing at The Ohio State University (via online). I have two essays to write for the application as well as other misc. forms to fill out. Both essays are 200 words or less.
The first prompt to write on is as follows: What does the art and science of nursing mean to you? Why did you choose to pursue nursing as your profession?

I have written a rough draft, and I was hoping if I post it, I could get some feedback on some more ideas or things I have forgotten, or if it is clearly written, I am trying to get as many opinons as possible, as the program is very competitive at OSU. here is my draft:

To make selfless acts in the nursing profession is the greatest contribution one can make. With virtues such as promotion of health and the enhancement of life, the essence of the nursing profession is a parallel to this meaning. The core of nursing is when education and technological skill meet compassion and sensitive care. With the ability to assess and solve problems, and give quality back to a life, nurses can truly make miracles happen on an interpersonal level. To effectively communicate can also be a beneficial quality one would possess in the nursing profession. As a former patient myself I know this as true.
As I laid in my hospital bed nightly, stricken with a chronic condition called Ulcerative Colitis, I often asked myself, what God’s plan entailed for my life. After the removal of my large intestine, I was given a second chance at a healthy lifestyle. It was soon after this experience I looked back to the times I had conversed with my nurses asking them about their profession, which helped me realize I wanted to give of myself in a way that would benefit others. The nursing profession would best suit that utilization of my strongest abilities and attributes.

it is two paragraphs, but the forum set-up might mess it up. Anyway, I would really appreciate it if I could get some feedback...thank you!