Ever see things so sad you can hardly stand it?

[Jo Dirt]

I've worked in a nursing home for about 9 yrs.. I've seen so many people die I lost count a long time ago. I have always gotten "attached" to the patients and felt bad when they died, but it I seemed to handle it better than I used to.

We have a lot of patients who's spouses dutifully come to visit daily, even though they are in pretty bad shape themselves. There is one patient with Parkinson's and in a wheelchair and her husband can hardly walk with his walker (they are in their 70's) but he has never missed a day coming up there. Well, she was sent out to the hospital and returned in bad shape. She has had a stroke and doesn't even open her eyes for us anymore. Today, he was standing in the doorway of her room looking lost and one of the aides went and gave him this big hug for about 5 minutes and the poor old guy cried and cried. It was so pitiful I just had to look away. I know one thing, seeing these old couples who are so attached just reminds me of how my husband wouldn't come see for anything...anyway, does it ever get to you? It seems to be getting worse for me. I don't know if I'm just more sensitive and mature than I used to be or what, but I thought it would be the other way around. I thought it would get easier.

[Last Nurse Standing]

It cannot be overlooked, the comment you made about your husband who would not come to see you. If that is truly the case, then you are alone just like the man who is now alone given that his wife has passed on and left him behind. I assure you, he will follow her quickly. But you have to face the fact that you are alone.

I say this painful thing to you in order for you to see that we project onto our patients our own issues. For me, it's existentialism: I see a patient wasting away in bed, and I worry that when I'm old, I will have done nothing with my life that mattered. It horrifies me.

You know, though, don't be so sure your husband wouldn't come to visit you just like that. Maybe he just takes you for granted now. You have to understand that it's far more likely this old woman who had a stroke had the same relationship with her husband that you have. Guilt is a huge motivator. He did, after all, put her in a nursing home, and I'll bet she didn't want to go.

We think we know how people will act, but we often underestimate the reason they may act 180 degrees out from that.

[Aaron C.]

It is indeed very sad, but at the same time it says a lot about the relationship and the great times they must have enjoyed to have a bond that strong.