[RNin2009]

Just a question... I am a night shift supervisior at a nursing home. My best friend since middle school is newly employed. She is driving me nuts! I love her to death but she is very insubordinate to me and she does it in front of other employees. This is very embarrassing to me and I am not sure what to do about it. I would hate to lose our friendship over a job but she needs to understand that our friendship is second priority when it comes to my job. I think she thinks she is just joking around but it undermines my position with the other employees. What do I do? Just let it roll off my back or confront her and jepordize our friendship? Any suggestions? Thanks for your help!

[JennyP]

Call her into the office or somewhere private and give her a warning that she is acting inappropriately and that if she does it again she will get an official warning and be putting her job at risk.

Never correct, scold or rebuke a person in front of others; but this has GOT to be stopped the very next time that she does this. Point out that outside of work you are friends, but once she walks in that door *as an employee under you* she has to act appropriately too. Her behavior is jeopardizing both of your jobs and she needs to know this NOW.

[RNin2009]

Thank you for your advice. I did take her into the office and tried to explain to her that we are different people when we are at work to no avail. She did not want to hear anything I had to say and threatened to give me her keys and leave. I guess we weren't as close as I had thought if she can not respect my position at work. She knew I would be her boss before she was employed and I guess she thought since we were friends she would get away with a lot of things. I pride myself on treating everyone equal and fair and I am really hurt that she can not understand this. She is currently in school for her RN and I think it is going to take her being in my shoes to really understand how hard it is to be in charge of everyone. I am really sad that our friendship is probably over but I guess you have to live and learn. The killer is this whole situation is about not using cell phones while you are on duty. Isn't that crazy!!!

[1mg.epi]

I would recommend risking your friendship. If this person was truly your friend, they would show respect in front of others. There may be a problem on her part about the relationship at work. I would talk to this person outside of the work setting and outside of your roles. Their reaction to the problem you are having will determine if this person is still your friend.
A basis for friendship is respect!!!!!

[RNin2009]

Thanks for the help! I think it is a lost cause though.

[RNin2009]

I am complete awe! I tried to approach the friend again last night to no avail. Where I work at I am the night shift supervisior which means that I am responcible for the apartments, cottages, and the long term care facility. I have 28 res on my unit which is the rehab unit. I also have to take care of everything on the alzheimers unit because a QMA works over there and they can't do any of the paperwork or injections, ect. I had asked her to get me vital signs on a res and she told me NO he just fell asleep. Which grant it he can be a real bear sometimes but I only have so much time in my shift to get everything done and usually I have to finish up on stuff the next night. It is a never ending battle. I tried to explain to her that when I say I need something that means I need it then, not at her convience. She does not understand how stressful my job is and not including the stress of my everyday life. I do not know what to do. It really upsets me that I am losing a friendship of 15+ years over something so minute. How do I seperate my hurt from work? I try to be pleasant and nice but she totally makes me want to choke her! Not really but you know what I mean! I guess I just needed to rant a little more. I promise I will get over it soon.

[JennyP]

Ask her if she wants to ruin a friendship of 15 years.

Tell her this isn't about being a friend; this is about the job she is supposed to do and that she is being paid to do. If she is studying to be an RN, remind her that she should look at the situation from your side; because if she does become an RN, she will be the one faced with insubordination in the future and you are trying to work through this situation and not write her up or ruin your friendship.

You are both there to care for the residents and you have very different roles to do; but you have to work together as a team for the residents' care.

I would also give her a warning that she either does her job or you will report her.

[1mg.epi]

For me, being a former Marine Corps member for 9 years, I would have ditched the friendship and "OFF With her Head". That person is a Putz. That would have called for a written warning, and placed that person on probation. I also would not discuss "our friendship" any more. There is no reason for her to understand your job. SHE needs to understand hers. If she does not, there are people standing in line looking for work.

Sorry for your plight. Leadership can have some sad emotional consequences, it comes with the job.

Good Luck

[RNin2009]

Thank you for your help. I have decided that this friend was not really a friend of mine. It has hurt a lot but I have decided to let our friendship go. She will never understand my position, not because she can't but because she doesn't want to. Now she is buddying up with the other aides and are making life very difficult for me. I have decided the best thing to do is just be the supervisior that I am paid to do and not worry about what everyone else is saying or doing as long as it does not interfere with the patients care. My first priority is the well being of my patients and they will always come first. It took me a while to realize this but now that I have I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thanks for everyones help. It greatly was appreciated!

[1mg.epi]

Good for you! Patients first!