Is it worth it?

[isabella19]

This is my first post & its going to be a hard one, so please bear with me. I was an ICU/RN for 15 years. Loved my job, loved my patients & was clean the 1st 10 years of my nursing career. (totally).
I moved, went through a divorce & entered into an abusive relationship. Im not making any excuses, so please be patient.
The last 5 years of my career I had prescription meds from my Doc for a bad neck. Then the diversion began. Needed meds to stay efficient at work (so I thought), needed meds to get through a shift, bla, bla, bla. I was so addicted but would never admit it. You know where this leads. I got caught, told my nurse manager she was crazy, couldnt admit it still. They asked me to take a pee test, I told them to stick it. NOT smart. Had the board meeting & told them I didnt want to be a nurse anymore & they could have their license. Yes, still in denial. That was 8 years ago. Well I finally got into NA & have been sober for 1 year, love my sobriety & starting to really miss nursing. I always think about the good nursing times & how much I loved my job, until I made some really bad choices. If I could do things differently, I would but that was yesterday & today is a new day. Will it be a nightmare to get my license back? Will I even be able to get it? I know I wouldnt go back into patient care, wouldnt want to put myself in that situation but I think I could be such an assett in other ways. ANyway, I would love some comments, I'm tough & can handle the bad ones also. I told my self to give it 1 yr sober & think about it then & thats what I'm doing. Thanks to all!!!

[isabella19]

OK, so my 1st post was titled, "Is it worth it". Of course it is. The best thing I got out of the tremendous mistakes & regrets is that I got sober & my life is better now than it has ever been.
My concerns are, when you finish completing the diversion program, finding a job seems so hard. and then to work with the same judgemental group you started out with. Nurses are notorious for belittling patients, labeling them as "frequent flyers", drug seekers & so on. I have also read on forums some comments that were made by nurses. Something like , "you all make our jobs so much harder, why dont you find something else to do". We all know they are out there. So this is what I struggle with. Do I really want to get back into the backstabbing same group of people I couldnt understand to begin with. We all know they eat there young & it doesnt seem to change. My entire career I could never figure out why a bunch of women couldnt treat each other with more respect. I always enjoyed working with the male nurses. they were all about getting the job done, helping each other out & leaving work at work. So I end this with, is it really worth it. I'm considering going back to school for some other health related career. Not sure which but maybe a change would be the best choice. It seems like you all really struggle with jobs & peers. Am I wrong??

[yummymummy]

Great minds think alike! I had the same thoughts and actions as yourself. But not as far. I gave in and surrendered my license and started a recovery program to remain a nurse. My question is: is it really worth all this aggravation? My health and sobriety are number 1. If I maintain my license that's a bonus....I guess? I still ask myself, " Is it worth it?"!

[lilsunny]

First let me say I enjoyed reading your posts. I have been a nurse since '98 and spent most of my time in the critical care area. I too enjoy nursing while at the same time sitting back and shaking my head at the comments made by other nurses about other nurses and our patients. I too nearly left a career that I love because of bad managers who dont listen and all the *****ing that goes on out on the floor. I am in TPAPN, though not for abusing, well take that back, I abused myself by turning my frustrations inward, as well with the anger and just not dealing with alot of stuff happening to me at the time. It is hard to change paths, I am now working on a medical floor, days and I have found a very good manager who really cares about what is happening. Funny thing, the Manager is a male. The other nurses I work with are all positive and it is absulutely forbidden to talk negative about any of the nurses on the floor. So yes it is worth it, but I have found that I had to stand up for what I wanted out of nursing as well. I am still in therapy, the Manager I have knows my past and works with me as well as the nurses I work with. Out of all of this I went through I have learned one thing, there is a place for each nurse, one just have to learn from their past, look to the future and find a spot where the chemistry just works.

[hppygr8ful]

Is it worth it? For me totally worth it!!!!! I just completed the Diversion program in California. I was monitored for 4 and a half years. Was it a pain in the ass? You bet! I wanted to quit more times than I could could count but I stuck it out and am convinced that had it not been for the Diversion program I would would be dead today! Instead I have a great career in nursing, a happy well balanced family life and I'm sober!

As to the back biting and eating their young it's been a problem forever. There is only one way to change this and leaving nursing is not that way. Staying in nursing a setting an example by being a mentor to young and struggling nurses. Leave your judgments in the car and go to work to do your job.

As far as finding a job goes - As soon as the BON approved my return to work (with all kinds of restrictions) I found a job within a week and worked at that facility for 4 years - There are places that will hire you if you are creative in your search. The choice to reveal your addiction is yours. In my case I really didn't care who knew and in fact I out right told several people and most including many nurses were very supportive and kind. As for the rest it really didn't matter what they thought which is part of what recovery taught me.

I just got a new job and am leaving the facility where I worked through diversion. On to more money and better opportunities.

Anyway hope that answered your question.


Hppy

[Airborne Mom]

The main reason I didn't "jump through the hoops" for my BON is that they require a 7-day "evaluation" at a center that they choose, which costs $1,375.00. Just for the evaluation to determine what kind of treatment I need!! Then I'd have to pay for the treatment, and with no health insurance, that is impossible!

In my opinion, yes, it's worth it, if you can afford it, which I cannot. So I've decided just not to be a nurse anymore. I just wish I could find a way to use my degree without being an actual "licensed nurse".

[hppygr8ful]

Money certainly is an issue with these programs - Even with insurance we took out a 2nd mortgage on our home and had an almost 50% cut in income for over a year. But compared to the cost of my son growing up without his mother (I truely was killing myself with drugs and alcohol)the result was priceless.

Some states also have a probation program which is less costly and allow you to work under a suspended license for 5-7 years while you demonstrate your recovery. California has this. The big difference is that when complete it's a permanant part of your record where as the more costly Diversion program leaves no mark on your license when complete. You might want to look into if your state has this type of arrangement.

Hppy

[viafree]

to me it is worth it very much. i worked to get my license and so i will work hard to get it back. i had to go to treatment 60 days inpatient, going to AA mtgs, take a nurses refresher course and the mandatory ceu plus 10 more in ethics, I'm on a daily call in for a random urine screen, i have to call every day and go when it picks me pronto. so no it is not easy but it is doable. if tis is what you want why not try at least you wont regret later that u didn't give it your best shot. good luck