[dlf2007]

Well, I'm getting ready to enter into the MA BORN substance abuse program. The offered me a one year suspension, without a "record" with a 4-5 year followup of drug testing. The other offer was to have my license suspended for 3 years, with a "record" on my license. At the end of three years I can petition the board. But you know what? I'm an addict an alcoholic and although I am heavily into recovery, and my drug diversion was quite some time ago, I think the best route for me is to follow the board's recommendation and surrender for one year. It also includes intensive outpatient therapy, individual therapy and drug testing. I'm trying to look at this as a gift - a gift to keep me clean and sober and keep my record clean. But, why am I writing this? I'm scared ****less and sometimes wonder how how'll be able to survive wtihout substances of abuse. I had 21 years in AA sober and diverted from my job. So, I do remember how nice it is to be clean and sober and honest. I just have to keep remembering that. It's really nice to see other nurses write into this forum. It's an on-line meeting for me and I truly appreciate it. Thx.

[sohpie1]

"why am I writing this? I'm scared ****less and sometimes wonder how how'll be able to survive wtihout substances

dlh--I haven't been in an identical situation but I would chose the one year suspension also. I am just now returning to work after going in to detox on December 12th, 2005. I have been clean since then. I've found that the only way I can live in recovery is by taking it one day at a time. On rough days I take the morning, afternoon and evening at a time. I used for over 13 years and never thought I could make it one day without benzo's/opiates/alcohol. Honestly it hasn't been that difficult by staying involved in NA, praying and getting honest with people so I don't carry thoughts of using by my self. Hugs, sophie~

[dlf2007]

Dear Sophie, thank you so much for your reply. It's true...life is one day, even one moment at a time. Who knows, we could be here one day, gone the next. I did make a final decision to surrender my license for one year w/follow up drug testing for 5 years. It's a small price to pay for having my life. Again, thanks for your thoughtful reply.