Impaired nurses

[Bettyl]

I have been looking for so long to see if anyone out there has advice. When I read your email I almost cried to know I have a fellow nurse out there that shares my problem. My best friend, brother and Dad died within 3 months of each other in 2002. I began using pain medications for an elbow that I broke falling at work around that same time. I was reported for sloppy charting, went to treatment and now have 2 years(clean)I am so ready to go back to work. But I must admit I'm scared. Not of the addiction, but of returning to work. This is the only area I feel this great shame. Do you have any pointers for me???????????? I would love to hear any advice about returning to work.
Bettyl

[mjrn41]

Hello, I have been clean now for 1 year 4 months . I had to quit my agency job and am now unemployed b/c of my consent order and not being able to administer narcotics. I am recieving unemployment and has been for a while. I am catching hell trying to find a job. I have been turned down about 13 to 14 times. I donot know what I am going to do for money. I donot see what good a nursing liscens is when you cannot find a job.I did apply for a job outside of nursing that pays nothing that I am used to paying my bills from.I just feel that I might as well giveup nursing because I have to make a living. I had no idea that this profession would just turn their back on you.I am sooooo worried that I donot know what to do next.

[Bettyl]

I can't remember if I replied to this or not so bear with me. I have been clean and sober for two and a half years and am ready to go back to work. I have hit walls all so in a profession that is suppose to be CARE givers. I guess one thing it has taught me is to be more compassionate towards the DISEASE of addiction. Good luck and I will be thinking of and praying for both of us

[realundertaker]

well im not sure if this will help anyone here or not, but here goes. in 1968 i suffered in a coma for 32 days, the Dr's then said that i would never make anything of my life. well about five years ago my dr's finally put me on alprozam. well now i have the best job i havew ever had working as security officer for a large hospital. the people here love my new attutide and love being around me just because i havea great personally, but take away my alprozam and im a huge monster than no one want to even see let alone be around....i guess it just goes to prove that a littlte drugs can do great thing when used properly....drugs and achol are for people who need help coping with some of the " NORNMAL PEOPLE" we deal with everyday " I CAN'T NEVER COULD DO A DARN THING" realundertaker

[ICUnowOHN]

I was caught diverting after only working for 5 months. I was not intelligent enough to just admit I had a problem. I was confronted by my supervisor and I just wouldn't admit it. If I had, I would have been ok and gotten thru everything much better. I chose to deny, deny, deny... I got prosecuted for diversion. I voluntarily entered the Health Professional Recovery Program, I would have been sent there by the state board. I was in the program for 5 years. I admitted my problem to my other employer, and they were willing to work with me. It was very hard to tell everyone I worked with that I had a substance abuse problem, but once I got past that, it was actually not as bad as I was making myself think it would be. I had to be restricted from passing controlled meds for 6 months, and they were willing to go along with it. I had to tell everyone I worked with in every unit I floated to. There were some that made me feel less than accepted, but most had known me for a while and accepted me. They actually supported me. I have been clean since 11/19/1997. I have worked in critical care, skilled home health (vents and such) and now Occ Health. I also went to NA and a health prof support group/12 step and there were pharmacists, dentists, nurses and doctors there. This is way more prevalent than most people think. Any how, to get to my point, it is so much better if you can get up the courage to admit you have an issue, and get past that. Honesty would have really been a lot better. But even though I did it the hard way, I am still a nurse, and love what I do. Give your colleagues a chance. You'll be surprised how supportive most will be. There will be those that won't be, but screw them. It's their problem if they act that way, not yours. Easy does it, one day at a time

[ICUnowOHN]

ps. It's either clean and sober or not. there is no acceptable amount you can take, or drink. If you're not able to be honest with yourself, don't expect anyone else to be.

[bclily]

Well this is what I was searching the net for...some other nurses who were dealing with addiction, recovery programs, what happens in different states, job seeking (post) suspension, and of course to share my story and help others if they need moral support. I started taking pain medications for an infected tooth which finally had to be pulled. The tooth was gone but the 'good feeling' I got as well as pain relief had me hooked. Of course I thought I could stop but after a few attempts there was no doubt I was in full addiction mode. I worked at a private Catholic facillity where medications were not closely monitored. Pills that is...we did not use IV meds. I had passed these same pills for 3 years before I had taken them. As it goes the same number of pills did not give me the high and so I had to take more and more. The pharmacy began questioning reorders. The whole nursing staff was alerted and the pharmacy was calling in the police to do an investigation.
I was the only nurse that floated between skilled, semi- skilled and dementia floors and the meds were missing from my areas so I was approached on a Friday eve during my shift. The administration were meeting and the DON had come to get me and give me a chance to turn myself in as it seemed I was the guilty party. The situation was tense. Of course I was using at the time she approached and I lied to her and the administrators. They respected my word...said they were glad it was not me and were apologetic in their accusation. I left that night and sat out on my deck till 4 am looking at all of my alternatives. I still felt as though I had choices where my addictive behavior was concerned. I had not come to the truth of the situation as I was in that good old denial.
I was a loved nurse and received so much positive feedback and good will from my residents that it seemed I must be now in some sort of dream state and not a good dream either. The possibility of being investigated and prosecuted was just too scarey .On Monday I went in...sat at the DON's office till she came in and confessed. That was it. No more job...and I had no idea what to do.

14 months have passed since this happened. I am now looking for a job that is not in healthcare. I am having a difficult time getting past my guilt and fear of returning to this place of employment. I live in a different town. But I have to have a reference from my last employment and I have to see the DON before I can fill out job applications.

This is where I am today. I am sharing just a glimpse of the experience which is ongoing. I do have a group each week of 3 other nurses who are in rcovery. That group is great but they are not with me when I have to face my day to day fears.
My family means well but they do not personally understand addiction. I am looking for others who can relate to my situation and to hear from other nurses who have had experiences in this area.
Thanks to all

[smbrn]

I have no personal experience with this; I have never had an addiction problem. I have worked with nurses who have, though, most of whom I would never have suspected at all. These people come from all walks of life and for whatever reason find themselves in this sort of trouble. Congratulations to you for your bravery in confronting your problem. I hope you find that prospective employers will accept your honesty and respect you for that. I can only guess what I would do, but I suppose I would just have to be truthful and accept that for some employers this may be too big an issue for them to care to take on. I am hopeful you will find a good fit for you in your professional career.

[kwelles]

My name is Karen Welles and I am a reporter at WPXI TV in Pittsburgh, PA--I am working on a special report on the recovery of nurses addicted to prescription drugs, and I am looking to interview a nurse in the Pittsburgh area who is in recovery or who has gone through recovery. I can protect anyone's identity (face, name, voice). If you can help, please email me at kwelles@wpxi.com
Thank you,
Karen Welles

[nurse1stik]

I HEAR YOU!! I have taken medication since I was 3 years old and will forever. My liver, kidneys and except for my arthritic bones the rest is working fine. Even narcotics are not a bad thing IF taken for pain not to get stoned or to run away from things. I am an advocate for medication treatment because it works and seems not many people think that way.

On another subject. Nurses need more emotional support than they wish to believe and physically hospital nursing kicks your butt and can be hard on you. Diversion is a bad thing to do but it is not something to condemn yourself for. We need to heal and find the real reason for the addiction and what brought us there to begin with. :luck: