[gratefulfan215]

I had a positve urine and since I was already in the voluntary recovery program here in PA, I am not able to work as a RN until I have 3 months of verifiable recovery. Thank God I am allowed to continue working on the tely floor that I work on but as an aide. I have only told a few of my closest colleagues here about the real reason why im not working as an rn and some people just assume that i forgot to renew my license or something. However, it is very humbling to be in this position now and my paychecks are of course less than half of what they used to be and that is with working overtime now. Don't get me wrong, it could be alot worse, but when you're taking orders from people who are your peers, it hurts a little. I'll have 90 days clean on may 7 and the state extended my contract. I hope I can make it, my track record is bad, but my life depends on staying clean, but the urges to use still come. I'm just hanging in, one day at a time...Its a tough situation because when i come back as an rn there is a chance i may not be allowed to give narcs for 6 months and than everyone will really know what the deal is. my urine was pos for coke though.

[lpRN13108]

Try not to think so far into the future. I'm pretty sure that is where my problem was. I started dwelling on the urge to drink instead of asking for help and remembering that it is just a temporary feeling and I have to find any way to get past it, and NEVER give in to it again. I gave in for"just a night" and after 11 days of continuous drinking I now have 1 day sober again. Think about what you have to lose,make a list of all the things your grateful for and ask your higher power(whatever that may be) for help to get through the urge. In the last 10 days I have done alot of damage to my body as well as my mental health.I was almost to a suicidal point again..doing self harming behavior. You have been lucky as far as your losses being temp. but please take this disease seriously. I decided that I would see if the craziness in my head again was all from the drinking,I stopped for one day yesterday it was hard but I asked for help and tried to keep my mind busy. When I woke up this morning my thinking was already diff. even though all the alcohol isn't out of my body and brain again yet.I realized that what everyone says is right. I am addicted to alcohol and it makes me crazy.I will pray that we both learn to recover instead of suffer.