[RN29414]

Thank you so much for the kind words. They mean alot. I am working the program as best I can. I like my Peer Assistance group the best. I wish they met more than once a week. I am having a hard time realizing I have no control over this and what I cannot change.

[jenniferleigh]

You are blessed. I waited for years to hear "well now it is your turn honey, I will take care of everything because u sure have done it for me over the years!" Needless to say I never heard that and my husband and I ended up separating. Which for me was a very good thing. We r friends now but he is a hot holloween mess in his own right. He does not have a drinking problem (according to him of course) because his work was never impared nor did he take pills so he is A ok. I am so glad I know that it is my job to take care of me today and not be a part of all that s-it. I will tell u all the things u have to do for the nsg board gets very costly to say the least. I made a wopping 22,000 last year due to having to file for un-employment and working at bulls--t jobs just to make ends meet. I will tell u this though. I have never been happier. I have bills up the wazoo but I started a new job on monday and it is in the ballpark of what i made in nursing. I decided to give up my license because it was a mess. I self reported back in 2004 and had to wait for 1 year to re-apply for licensure.. But... I was in the alternative program-first self reported back in 2002 in Michigan. All ok, but then when I moved to nc-i had to get my license here and join the alternative program here or they were going to suspend my lic in mich-just because when i left the state, the monitoring co. was mandated to report to the nsg board. ok i get that, they r "protecting the public." So I joined the alternative prog here and participated from oct 2003-Jan 20, 2005. The whole thing was a joke to me. I figured since i reported myself i could do what i like to call buffet style recovery. The only thing on my buffet it was empty. I forged documents and never dropped dirty-but i was using all of 2004. O my god-talk about it coming back with a vengence. Once i put that drink to mouth, it was on. Soon there after i started doing oxys and many other narcs, and my tollerance was so high, i wasn't even getting high, it was just preventing me from getting sick. The only place i had left to go was heroin and i knew if i went there i would never go back. So very long story short, i got my lic back in oct of 06 and looked for a job for 11 months. we are talking tons and tons of interview. nobody would hire me. Anyway in Sep of 07, i went to the board and said i was done. I said thank you, but i no longer want to play this game. Not because i used or anything god no-i have almost 3 1/2 years. But then they suspended my lic-and said it was breech of contract and sent all my info to the national provider data bank place and the info is supposed to be confidential. well it is not and even though i had not practiced in cali or colorado for many years, just because i was once licensed there colorado suspended my licen and california revolked it. I was like -Whaaaaaat!!! I contacted both states and they were like, well we are just basing our decision to do this based on what happened in nc. I told them it was like getting a speeding ticket in nc and then cali and co give me one too, just because i was once a driver in that state. Un fortunately i cannont do anything about this and the info will be in this data base "forever." O by the way it is all public record now since each nob website publicly presents all the disciplinary actions on their web sites. Nice. So now this monday i started a job that is with a company that puts together the educational material for CEUs for md, pa, nurse prac, and nurses. ha ha. I may try and convinced them to do a presentation on addiction. of course i have to fly under the radar because even if someone does a background check on me all this stuff shows up. So much for the nursing board protecting you. Your life is more important then any damn nursing license. Take it from me, i did it the hard way. Don't get me wrong there are many guys and gals out there that have successfully completed "the program." For me I just know i need to move on with my life with out this haunting mess. Just for today, don't use no matter what. There is nothing i can't get through clean. I know that today, and it is better then any drug I ever did. Thanks for listening to this big dump, but it helps for me to get it off my chest and hopefully help another person, especially if that person is a nurse. xoxoxox jl