[serenitytoday]

keep relapsing, keep being dishonest and you're gonna go down faster than ever. You are privileged to be able to go to a nurses group, to be able to be in a BON program and to have a chance to get your license reinstated. Your dishonesty will keep eating away at you. Not telling your nurses group is putting yourself, nevermind the patients you may end up working with again, at tremendous risk. Think about the greater good and get real. What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid that you won't have the chance to keep using???? Maybe you don't want to be clean???

[LisaB19]

Originally Posted by serenitytoday

keep relapsing, keep being dishonest and you're gonna go down faster than ever. You are privileged to be able to go to a nurses group, to be able to be in a BON program and to have a chance to get your license reinstated. Your dishonesty will keep eating away at you. Not telling your nurses group is putting yourself, nevermind the patients you may end up working with again, at tremendous risk. Think about the greater good and get real. What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid that you won't have the chance to keep using???? Maybe you don't want to be clean???

I'm not sure who this was directed at, but perhaps the better term to use instead of dishonesty is being discreet. There are appropriate venues to share certain things and ones that being a little more mindful of who is there is in order. I have therapy, my sponsor and AA meetings, where anominity is practiced to be open and unguarded.

[dlf2007]

I guess if I were using and working as a nurse today, I'd be afraid (given my history of addiction) of making poor choices; afraid that I'd be under the influence during patient care, afraid of harming a patient and afraid of harming myself. I say this because I've been there and know the ravaging effects of my disease of addiction. Speaking from my past experiences, not being honest, or not disclosing information, has only fed my addiction and brought me down to an even deeper bottom. So I would say follow your heart - you know what the next right thing is to do. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.

[hppygr8ful]

Originally Posted by dlf2007

I guess if I were using and working as a nurse today, I'd be afraid (given my history of addiction) of making poor choices; afraid that I'd be under the influence during patient care, afraid of harming a patient and afraid of harming myself. I say this because I've been there and know the ravaging effects of my disease of addiction. Speaking from my past experiences, not being honest, or not disclosing information, has only fed my addiction and brought me down to an even deeper bottom. So I would say follow your heart - you know what the next right thing is to do. Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.

I have to agree. I understand what others here are saying about being discreet especially with regard to nurse support groups but the fact of the matter is that rationalization and being dishonest with ouselves and others is what keeps us using. If you are in Diversiuon/Probation and are contiuing to relapse you do need to get real. The most appropriate course would be to get back into treatment and report to your group that you are having difficulty staying sober and are taking the necessary steps to correct that situation. If it means you spend more time in Diversion/Probation or even that you have to lose your license for a while so be it! You have no business taking care of Pt's or working in the field if you can't stay sober.

Sooner or later you are going to test positive and when that happens you won't have a choice but to divulge everything. A friend from my nurse support group ended up being mandeted to a 1 year in-patient program. He did it and is now sober 3 years, in transition, working , married to a wonderful girl and has a new baby. LIfe really does change and get good when you finally get honest and become willing to "Do whatever it takes" to stay sober. Saving my license was secondary to getting sober. Maybe that's how you have to look at it.

hppy

[hppygr8ful]

Originally Posted by bubbles2

I know that the nature of this disease means that there will be slips and relapses.

I beg to differ while relapse is a very real possibility for anyone in recovery it is not inevitable as your quote implies. I drank and used narcotics and benzo's for 20 years - I was one of the truely hopeless addicts one step away from death. I have not picked up or used anything stronger than Ibuprophen in almost 3 years and by the Grace of God and my program I hope I will never need to do so again.

When a person relapses over and over again there is deffinately something wrong with their program. Hydrocone for a toothache? Give me a break! My dentist knows I am an addict in recovery as do any treatment provider's I come in contact with even my pharmacist knows, It's the first thing I tell them. I have made it very clear that I should never be offered any narcotic unless we have throughly exhausted all other options. The fact of the matter is that short of surgery there's really no reason to take narcotics ever and then never for more than a week following. Relapses happen long before we pop a pill or take a drink. And how in heaven's name does one come in contact with narcotics by accident. It's not like they are just lying around. Fact of the matter is that if such an "accident" occurs you have put yourself in a situation where you knew you should not be. I was just at my father's bedside (END STAGE BONE CANCER) on the nightstand table were oxycontin, vicodin, morphine, ativan and xanax. Never once did the urge or temptation cross my mind. My sponsor and I talk daily. I practice my steps in all my daily affairs. My husband has a bottle of whiskey - (myfirst drug of choice) in the cabinet over the fridge. Through faith in my higher power and my strong program of honesty in all areas of my life - the obsession to drink and use has been lifted from me. In fact the obsession left me very early in recovery as it has for many.

Relapse happens because we are not working our program - I have met nurses who are "Just jumping through the hoops" to satisfy the boards. This never works eventually it all catches up with you.

I have over 100 people that I can call anytime day or night and they know they can call me as well. Should the urge ever come upon us we are there for eachother.

As I have said before when sobriety becomes the #1 most important thing in your life, you will stay sober. Anything;job, family, finances etc that you make more important is exactly what you will lose eventually.


God Bless
hppy

[gigi_rn_bsn]

Originally Posted by LisaB19

I'm not sure who this was directed at, but perhaps the better term to use instead of dishonesty is being discreet. There are appropriate venues to share certain things and ones that being a little more mindful of who is there is in order. I have therapy, my sponsor and AA meetings, where anominity is practiced to be open and unguarded.

Well said!!!

[Karma]

Sandra, dear, are you really confused as to disclosure in a room of nurses in your same situation and not concerned about publishing your weaknesses, using your name, on a public forum?

Hon, I wish you true peace and happiness. Continue to post and give/get support but you may want to consider using a generic, non-identifiable, screen name. Get the help you need and be safe.
Karma

[Enerjan]

Bravo hppygr8ful!! Your honesty is truly inspiring!! Kisses!!

[tfieldrn]

Your reply spoke to my heart! It couldn't have been stated better. Being new in recovery and diversion, I find your message very hopeful and helpful. I don't believe relapses have to occur but agree that they are inevitable if our program has "holes". Higher Power willing today I will be granted another reprieve from the obsession of this disease. I only have today, and yes, sobriety is my number one priority. Hooray to Hpygr8ful!

[nurse2stik]

Be truthful to the outside meeting, get comfortable with it. Then take all of what the people said into consideration. But, ultimately...you need to feel comfortable with discussing it in the nurse group. Yes, nurses eat their young and their peers too. But, the patients you care for need the best nurse.