[vampey]

I am a new Rn and have been working on a Med-Surg telemetry floor in a fairly large medical center in northeastern PA. This is my first job as a nurse and I have been there for 16 months. Although I feel that my competence has made leaps and bounds, I'm very depressed about the outcome of my education. I feel extremely disrespected, am struggling to live on what I thought would have been an awesome salary, and just feel generally let down. Management focuses on what needs to be improved and doesn't aknolwedge what has improved. I work night shift, so I don't get any kind of thanks from patients or families. It seems they can only remember the daylight nurses. I know I have only been a nurse for a short time, but I have to wonder if things will get better. I always wanted to be a high tech ICU nurse, but fear that I'll never be able to handle the learning curve because I have a very soft personality and my feelings get hurt easily. The stress of the working environment has also exacerbated my depression/anxiety disorder. Ugh, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.

[MagRedC5]

Originally Posted by vampey

I am a new Rn and have been working on a Med-Surg telemetry floor in a fairly large medical center in northeastern PA. This is my first job as a nurse and I have been there for 16 months. Although I feel that my competence has made leaps and bounds, I'm very depressed about the outcome of my education. I feel extremely disrespected, am struggling to live on what I thought would have been an awesome salary, and just feel generally let down. Management focuses on what needs to be improved and doesn't aknolwedge what has improved. I work night shift, so I don't get any kind of thanks from patients or families. It seems they can only remember the daylight nurses. I know I have only been a nurse for a short time, but I have to wonder if things will get better. I always wanted to be a high tech ICU nurse, but fear that I'll never be able to handle the learning curve because I have a very soft personality and my feelings get hurt easily. The stress of the working environment has also exacerbated my depression/anxiety disorder. Ugh, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.

Hello Heather,

Welcome and wish it could be on a more positive note.

You asked for some guidance and my first thought is maybe you should seek out one-on-one counseling for your depression/anxiety disorder. If not, do you have a mentor where you work that you can seek out? Nurses need to acquire a tough exterior. Patient's and their family members are scared of the unknown. They rarely see the MD's. So, they will reach out to the nursing staff with questions that the MD's may not even be able to answer. Most people are at their worse when they are in the hospital, both as patients & family members. Most of the the time this transference is not meant as a personal hit against a nurse.

You may need to consider toughening up your soft personality so that your feelings are not easily offended. The nursing profession is often a thankless job, especially for those that work the night shift. Maybe you are not meant to work the night shift. Furthermore, I worked the night shift on a Tele Ward, then went on to work in an ICU at a different hospital. You have worked almost year and a half on Med-Surg Tele and maybe your more ready than you think to move on to an ICU position?

Finally, do you have any hobbys or special interest outside of nursing? We all need outlets that allow us to let go of the stress of nursing when not at work?

[cougarnurse]

Nights are hard.....I will attest to that. And getting a Day position is quite hard. If you feel that 'moving on' to an ICU position is in your best intrests, so be it; perhaps it is time. Personally, your soft personality is a pro, but as you have learned, it can have its downside also. I believe that it can be of use in your future. Keep us posted, please!

'Cat'

[Ricu]

Originally Posted by vampey

I am a new Rn and have been working on a Med-Surg telemetry floor in a fairly large medical center in northeastern PA. This is my first job as a nurse and I have been there for 16 months. Although I feel that my competence has made leaps and bounds, I'm very depressed about the outcome of my education. I feel extremely disrespected, am struggling to live on what I thought would have been an awesome salary, and just feel generally let down. Management focuses on what needs to be improved and doesn't aknolwedge what has improved. I work night shift, so I don't get any kind of thanks from patients or families. It seems they can only remember the daylight nurses. I know I have only been a nurse for a short time, but I have to wonder if things will get better. I always wanted to be a high tech ICU nurse, but fear that I'll never be able to handle the learning curve because I have a very soft personality and my feelings get hurt easily. The stress of the working environment has also exacerbated my depression/anxiety disorder. Ugh, I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm just looking for some guidance. Any reply would be greatly appreciated.

Hi there,

I can remember being a new RN on the night shift. It was hard and I spent a lot of time feeling stupid even though I had years of experience in another medical profession. Some of my coworkers were kind, others were not. It didn't take long for my confidence to grow and before long, I was doing charge duty and orienting new nurses. I eventually went to dayshift feeling very comfortable. I think our confidence waxes and wanes any time we are in new situations regardless of personality type. There are two recommendations I can offer: surround yourself with supportive people and
take advantage of oportunities to learn new things.

I think you're going to be just fine.

Good Luck

R

[stillearning]

VAMPY --
It's good that you wrote. But look at some of the things you already know about yourself:

Your "thin skilled", emotional, have anxiety attacks, AND on top of that, you work nights (the least-well-resourced shift of all!). Hello, this looks like a set up for disappointment!!

Here are three things YOU can do (no one else has to help you with these!)...

1. Look for first-thing-in-the-morning inservices, meetings, QI groups. There may be classes you can attend (hopefully free, possibly even be paid to attend) where you'll meet folks OTHER than the staff you stay up with every night! You need to be PART of those quality improvement teams, so you know that folks ARE thanking you for your hard work. You need to get out, girl! You need some professional conversations with people who are just starting their day -- some folks who see the glass as half-full!

2. Get some stress-management skills under your belt. This can be breathing techniques, imagery skills, meditation, exercise -- whatever turns you on! This will reduce the anxiety AND add to your endorphins to get you through those long nights!

3. Finally, consider being assessed for clinical depression -- the real thing. Nurses are not immune. It can hit new grads, it can hit mid-career and night workers are especially prone (so do also take advantage of some of the hours of SUNLIGHT you have available to you off the job!). It may be that you'd find better living through chemistry can also improve your view of nursing practice.

Get yourself well girl! You deserve a job/career you love, but you'll have to do more than WISH for it!

--p

[vampey]

Thanks for all of the input. Unfortunately I am clincally depressed. I am dysthymic (I think I spelled that right) and I've already been hospitalized once (4 months ago) for it. I've been this way for a long time, despite active treatment. I also have a sleep disorder, so that linked with depression=sleeping through all of the daylight hours (especially since there are so few in the winter to begin with) I require at least 9 hours of sleep to feel recharged enough to return to work the next night. Unfortunately, dayshift on my unit is not available, and there are too many "personalities" on that shift. They will stand at the desk and chat while they're watching you drown. I'm also scared to leave the floor for "daylight" work because I love my nightshift coworkers. Ugh. My house is also in shambles because of my work/sleep hours. I just can't do it all. I am still grateful for all of the input I can get from this discussion group. Thanks!

[cougarnurse]

Vampey, I wish you luck! Feel free to stop by and 'unload' anytime, ya hear?

'Cat'

[Mom-n-More]

When I worked nights I was depressed too. I think it was the constant fatigue. I just couldn't get the right sleep. One thing that really helped me was when I started taking a walk outside when I first got home in the morning. I got to experience some fresh air and sunlight, plus exercise combats depression. I know it's more difficult in the winter, but this winter actually hasn't been too bad so far.

It seems that you like your coworkers. This is a positive. Use them to help you feel better. You could catch some breakfast after work. I love when my coworkers and I go out for lunch. You'll feel more confident with your job as you gain more experience. In 5 years you'll be a much different nurse than you are now.

[MagRedC5]

I'm glad this Thread is a positive for you. Plus, you enjoy your night shift co-workers.

Hang in there & keep in touch!

[chenoaspirit]

Hi Vampey. I sent you a private message. Its amazing how much you and I have in common. Your post hit so close to home. My husband tries to understand, but its nice to come here and know Im not alone. I dont have any advice for you, just know you arent alone.