[BigRedNurse]

Hey, Vampey, hi from a sister night-shifter. I feel yur pain, I went through the same, but without the clinical depression and added baggage. Ouch! I think, in time, a different personality will emerge, as long as you don't give up. Do what you have to do to get by, I know you can do that. It takes time. Check in here as often as you can for online support and follow the advice that works for you. I know that my hospital offers free counseling, maybe your facility does, too. If you can talk to someone who's been there, it helps. In the meantime, know that we're pulling for you and hope the very best for you. Do not allow the negative people to drag you down. You worked hard to get where you are, and you'll find your niche. Keep us posted!

[ruby43]

For the relatively "new" R.N. I know it doesn't seem to be what you expected...what is happening is that the respect and dignity that used to be attache to anyone who was a nurse...is not there like it was. I have a charge nurse who is young, pretty and educated...and she has becoome disappointed with her job as well. So she is making a change in looking into more rewarding possibilities. The wonderful thing about nursing, is that there are so many different scopes of practice to choose from, and nothing has to be permanent. Don't be afraid to seek outside the box and try something different...even if it isn't what you want...then change again. If you look at the opportunity as a self-fulfilling goal, instead of just a pay check...then you will feel much more rewarded for your efforts. I have been an LPN for 18 yrs., and am finally going back to school for my degree. I raised my kids, and am still married to the same man after 25 yrs. My attitude about work is "I can tolerate almost anything for a designated amount of time". Never stop looking for other ways to grow. And if you get tired of the politics with your job, go somewhere else for awhile to take a break. It will get better, once you take back control. Good luck.

[BurntoutRN]

Vampey, you poor thing! I feel where you're coming from. Being clincally depressed and working night shift is a recipe for disaster. I have worked night shift for eight years now, and I can tell you that is most of your problem. I have known many nurses go to days from nights and say how different and wonderful and "normal" they feel. You don't feel like you are quite living when you work the night shift, your usually tired, irritable and depressed. What works for me is making my bedroom as dark as possible, having lots of "white" noise, like a loud box fan to drown out those darn perky people mowing their lawns, and try to work your days in a row if you can, then at least you can have a set amt of time off, and feel a little better. As far as the soft personality, I think you will grow a tougher shell over time, I started out eight years ago shy, offended easily, worried what everyone was thinking of me, and now I don't give a flying f*** what anyone thinks anymore. I do my job, and I do it great, and I don't let anyone tell me how or what to do. Nursing is a very thankless job, and unfortunately nurses are always pitting against each other, which is very sad. Find supportive people, feel good about yourself, and if you have to, switch shifts. Many people have done it before you, it doesn't make you weak. Good luck!

[Enerjan]

You poor thing!! Wish I were there to give you a big hug!! I have been working nights for most of my 10yr nursing career. Started on days, they ate me alive, would have quit if one of the night nurses hadn't seen my pain and asked me to go nights. It saved my career. But not all people are cut out for nights. It is difficult to adjust to. Do you work 12's? Cause I work my 3 12's in a row, and I'm done, and go back to being on days. Took me a while to get there!! I work in L&D, and OB docs can be a-holes. I used to cry anytime they gave me a cross look, but I have learned over the years to give it right back. I know my patients, and I know my job. The docs I work with now, respect me for not taking s--t. It has also helped me to stand up for myself in my personal life. Put your arms around yourself and give you a big hug from me!! Kisses!!

[grahamcracker977]

I am sorry to hear about your problems...especially since it's just your first year or so in practice. I'm always amazed that they put new grads on the night shift (with the least amount of resources). This doesn't happen in surgery, where we typically have our most experienced nurses on off shifts and newbies on days...however, my cousin and roommate was stuck on nights in CVICU as a new grad. I didn't get the logic. I can say, that being on nights you have probably learned more and become more independent...trial by fire...you'll learn your lessons quickly but it's not great for employee retention.
I'm currently working nights. It's tough emotionally and physically because you're circadian rhythm is off...it's not normal to work all night and sleep all day. Many of us, myself included, have other halfs who work during the day and would love for us to work the same hours. On a positive note, I can tell you that in the 9 years I've been a nurse my annual pay has doubled! You'll get more money...you just wait and see.
I'm going to suggest what a lot of folks already have...seek counseling. If your taking anti-depressants...take them...don't stop taking them...I know plenty of folks who have done this with poor results. Seek a change of scene...even if it's the same unit but another shift possibly. Maybe you're ready for the challenge of ICU! I think after 16 months tele you might be. Before you make any of those changes...do the counseling thing...because these are changes...and some of us don't respond well to them even though we were taught for years in nursing school to be flexible.
I go to the gym after my night shift...then I go home and walk the dogs...and putter a bit. Like the other poster said...bright sun and fresh air does wonders. Have a hobby outside of work. I bet it was such a relief for you to get out of school...and start working...you don't have to worry about work after your shift is over...you can actually unwind...
The best advice I ever got as a nurse was to stop worrying about what other nurses are doing...and focus on you. I can't speak for the floor/med surg/icu situations...I work in the Operating Room and the same politics/drama goes on. I used to get so irritated when other folks were chilling out in the lounge, while I was stuck in a long case...or those folks weren't putting up/cleaning up their areas. You can't worry about what others are doing. You do your job and focus on you and your patient.
The other piece of advice I have is you can't make everyone happy. Patients, families, coworkers, docs...there's no possible way to do this. Families are scared...uninformed...and ignorant to things going on in a hospital...try not to take the outbursts personally. You'll find the most annoying family members are those who aren't normally around...and are trying to make up for it by being the protector/enforcer.
So, chin up...get some help (counseling)...and focus on you.
:smoking2: