[cougarnurse]

You might work in an ER if...

You can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 20...

You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency...

You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk"...

You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"...

You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"...

You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing...

You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."...

You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag...

You've identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they've overdosed on "some kind of pills" just prior to arrival)...

You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups... (A big thank you to Shannon for the great contributions)

You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and put the morguebag on the cart before the patient arrives...

You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on back boards with sirens on and anxiety a level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch... (and you know that this is more time than you usually get)... (Special thanks to Henry J. Siegelson, MD)

You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break in hours... (Special thanks to Warren Magnus, D.O.)

You have four categories of patients...urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off)...

You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily...

You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation...

You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory...
(The last three come compliments of our friend Mary O'Neill)

You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "Just two beers"...

You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return visit...(Thanks to Robert G. Jester)