[Aaron C.]

You Might Be an ER Nurse if . . .

(found this on another site)

Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you...

You believe a good tape job will fix anything...

You have the bladder capacity of five people...

You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio...

You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...

You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance...

When a patient presents with a list of 30 allergies to meds and you automatically assume they are a drug seeker and that their doctor is from out of town...

You believe in the power of the full moon...

You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA...

You have discovered a new condition that you call "hypo-xanax-emia"...

You plan what you are going to have for dinner while performing gastric lavage...

You believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan...

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...

You refer to Friday as NH Dump Day and you don't mean New Hampshire...

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers...

You believe chocolate is a food group...

You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a dirty name...

You are prone to complimenting complete strangers on their great veins when you are out in public...

You have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call...

You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"...

Your idea of a good time is dueling shock rooms...

You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...

You have ever wanted to reply "Yes" when someone calls and asks "Is my (husband, wife, mother, brother, friend, etc.) there?"...

You have ever issued a "dead head" alert...

Your favorite hallucinogenic is exhaustion...

You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience...

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"...

You have ever used the phrase "health care reform" to instill fear into your co-workers' hearts...

You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain...

You play poker by betting ectopies on EKG strips...

You believe a "supreme being consult" is your patient's only hope...

You are totally astounded when someone from a NH is understandable...

You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control...

You believe your patient is demonically possessed...

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"...

You have ever bet on blood alcohol levels...

You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset ("You've had the pain for three weeks...Well, have a seat in the waiting room and we'll get to you in three days")...

AND FINALLY....

YOU MIGHT BE AN E.R. NURSE IF...YOU FIND HUMOR IN ANY OF THIS!!!



Thanks to Michael Seaver, EMT, RN for compiling this list.

[mercynurse]

Oh Aaron, this is proceless...thanks, my honey (an ER nurse) will love this!!