only in america

[LivingDeadNurse]

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> ONLY IN AMERICA
> Only in America…can a pizza get to your house than an ambulance.
> Only in America…are there handicap parking in front of a skating rink.
> Only in America…do drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store, while healthy people can buy their cigarettes at the front.
> Only in America…do people order super size meals and then get a diet coke.
> Only in America… do banks leave both doors unlock but chain their pens down to the counters.
> Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put out useless junk in the garage.
> Only in America… do we use the answering machines to screen our calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
> Only in America…do we buy hot dogs in packages of 10 and buns in packages of 8.
> Only in America… do we use the word politics to describe the process so well: “poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
> Only in America… do the have drive -up ATM machines in Braille.
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> EVER WONDER?
> Why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
> Why women can’t put on mascara without their mouths closed?
> Why you never see the headline Psychic wins the lottery?
> Why abbreviated is such a long word?
> Why do doctors call what they do “practice”?
> Why is it that to stop windows you have to click start?
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
> Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
> Why didn’t Noah swat those 2 mosquitoes?
> Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane from that stuff?
> Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
> Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
> If interstates are roads from state to state. Why does Hawaii have them ?
> Why do people turn down the radio when looking for house numbers?
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[cougarnurse]

Some of these are real head scratchers. Sounds like George Carlin at his best.