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- A very healthy patient, when admitted to a very small room, will
require a vent, a cooling blanket, hemo-filter, six pumps and a digital
television before the end of your shift, requiring you to climb over the
bed to get out of the room.

- The hospital always sends admissions to your nursing home at
change of shift on your weekend on the physician’s weekend off.

- The lift always breaks down when the 400 pound patient needs to be
transferred from one bed to another.

- You tell your patient, “If you need anything at all, just push the button
and I’ll be there”. She smiles and says she’s “Fine, thank you nurse.”
The next morning she complains to the physician, “No one came near
me all night and I couldn’t sleep, because I was in agony.”

- In a life threatening emergency, the speed of the doctor’s response is
inversely proportional to the speed of the patient’s decline.