Being a guy from Oklahoma, I found this kind of funny.


Because of the misunderstandings that frequently occur when Easterners
and Californians cross-states such as Kansas, Texas and Oklahoma, those
states Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help

outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list
will be handed to each person as they enter the state:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because
I need it. Speed up or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped.by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for.bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order

it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds

of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish and drive trucks because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that special.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs/cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways; Interstate 35 goes the
other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's like a
religious holiday.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
A new concept, I realize.

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the balls into the water
hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled over for driving like
an idiot.his/her name is "Sir/Maam"...no matter how old he/she is.

Now, enjoy your visit to Texas, Kansas, or Oklahoma and then go home.
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